Guide how to become a "Great Listener".

Listening is one of the underestimated communication skills. And there is not so much awareness about it.

As more and more communication went to a virtual world.

Chatting, calls, and talking during multitasking. It’s become very hard to truly listen. Without listening skills, it's impossible to become an effective therapist or a coach. 

How can you help someone if you don't listen? How can you understand?

One of the common things that clients feel on a first therapy or coaching session is a feeling of relief.

A feeling that they can "breathe" again.

This feeling comes from empathic listening. A professional coach knows how to give a psychological air that a person will feel understood. A feeling that most people outside of a coaching session don’t know how to provide.

This isn't about cheap NLP manipulations, imitating a person's body language and how he speaks or sits. Emphatic listening means listening with the intention of understanding.

First, to understand.

Remember that empathy is not the same as sympathy. It isn't about sharing a similar story that happened to you.

Listening with the goal of understanding has nothing to do with you and has everything to do with the person you are listening to.

The moment you think: "Oh, I know how it feels! I had exactly the same situation..." You are not listening anymore. You are focused on yourself. And you aren’t effective anymore like a coach or even a friend.

Knowing how to listen is an art in itself, like the art of public speaking.

The "Aha" moment happens in silence. When you are not interrupting the conversation.

And God, no... Do not give your subjective opinion on any occasion. Unless it's mentoring. But even in mentoring, you should give your client: first to think by himself rather than rushing to provide him with all the answers.

There is no 100% recipe for how to listen.

But for sure, there are simple guidelines that can help:

• Don't interrupt.

• Be patient and present.

• When you "fad away" from the conversation. Don't fake that you listened. Ask to repeat.

Pay attention to the eyes and your body language. Nothing in you is supposed to be a "noise" for the person you are listening to.

And most importantly, take yourself out of the equation. 

This isn't about you and your subjective opinion. This isn't about how you see the world. You don't know all the answers.

It’s about a person you are listening to.

Take care,

Alex